The way the world turns Part 1

I have some special memories of growing up, mostly I remember the PEOPLE that joined me on that journey and I always smile fondly when I remember the crazy times we had. Although the years steal from us the specifics like times, dates and sometimes places, the memories of good and happy times remain.

When I was a teenager, I had a great group of friends, girls and boys. We did stupid things, stayed out later than we should, did things that our parents had no clue about, went to parties that we shouldn't have gone to, roamed the streets into the small hours, and laughed alot! We were open to almost any new experience. When I look back we had conversations that would shape us and although we had no chance of ever remembering the details of them we were growing up in front of each other and they were fun times. We got to know each other in a way that only PEOPLE who grow up together do. We made special bonds that we knew would last a lifetime and shared moments that will remain in my memory forever. This is a small town which means I sometimes come across the PEOPLE that I grew up alongside. I love bumping into them, reminiscing and laughing at our shared memories.

One of the PEOPLE that shared my formative years was Lee. He was bigger than average and so was his laugh, he seemed to understand 'the girls' and didn't care what PEOPLE said about the fact that he spent most of his time with my little clique of 3. He had a sweet nature and was a natural mediator, he gave great hugs and knew how to stop the flow of teenage tears. Lee was the kind of friend that you wanted around when there was trouble. He was a peace maker and a care taker and I could not count the number of times he got me home safely. He respected my parents and was very scared of my dad (everyone was!). I forget now how we ever lost touch, but we did until recently.

Lee now works with young PEOPLE, some of them troubled, something that doesn't surprise me in the slightest, neither does his passion for boxing. Combine the two and you have a recipe for making a difference. My family is involved in the boxing scene and so this is how our paths crossed again. He is a coach and corner man in the amateur game.

My son has just been introduced to the sport and had his first bout last night, which he won in spectacular style. I didn't go to the show and so it wasn't until afterwards that I found out that at this crucial point in my sons life, his first time in the ring, that his corner man was Lee.

That is how the world turns and that made last night all the more special for me.

MISSING

A young man, who I do not know, but by coincidence happens to share the same birth name as me, has gone missing in Hull. Nearly 50,000 PEOPLE (including me) have joined a facebook group that is appealing for information and pleading for PEOPLE to look out for him in the hope that he will be reunited with his family.

Alex Spence went on a night out last Saturday with his sister and some friends. He left the pub at 10.30pm to make the short journey home to his wife and young family. He never arrived. That was almost a week ago. The truth is NO ONE at this moment in time knows what happened to Alex. I cannot imagine what his family and friends are going through and my thoughts are very much with them as I write this. This story really made me think about what would happen if one of my friends or family simply vanished like that. My feeling is that many PEOPLE will be thinking the same thing, which is why the facebook group set up to find him has attracted so many members, many of whom do not even know him.

Can you stop for a minute to imagine if your son, brother, nephew, cousin, dad, husband or friend simply didn't come home from a night out? I thought about it as a result of this story.

What would be going through your mind?
How would you ever get your head round it?
How would you function?
What would you actually do with your day?
Would you sleep?
Who would you talk to?
What would the PEOPLE around you say or do?
How would you explain it to the children?
What questions would you be asking yourself?
What would you be hoping had happened?
What would you be wishing hadn't happened?
What would you have wanted to have said to him the very last time you spoke?
What would you say to him when he is found safely?
Would you be wondering if he will ever come home?
What would be your greatest hope?
What would be your greatest fear?

These are hard questions to answer without experiencing what Alex's family and friends are experiencing right now. I truly hope and pray that Alex will be reunited with his family and soon and that I only ever have to imagine the torture they are going through.

This is a blog about PEOPLE, and thanks to facebook, this appeal has illustrated that even when PEOPLE do not know the person that they are trying to help, when a story like this touches us, it does so in the most profound way. I am positive that those who know Alex will appreciate the support, help and exposure that facebook has enabled them to have in their plight to find Alex, but in reality, they just want him home.

So do nearly 50,000 other PEOPLE.

That child has been here before

Have you ever come across a child whose antics make you think they must have been here before?

My niece Maisie Mae (aka Maisie Mayhem) is such a creature. She is the youngest of 14 grandchildren and we knew from the time that she was conceived that this would likely be the case and so her arrival was eagerly anticipated by the whole family, but especially by those of us who socialise with her parents regularly, and as a result have become an integral part of her happy little existence.

Maisie was born into a world of adoration, surrounded by people who treated her as though she was special, much to the dismay of her mum who often says, what chance do I have? None of us can say no to her..... This is something that she has never taken advantage of although she knows just how to play every single one of us.

At 4 years old (nearly 5), she is a political animal, she knows how to get what she wants, but unlike other 4 year olds she doesn't want material things necessarily although she is partial to the odd pair of sparkly shoes, she doesn't scream for attention, she doesn't need to. She doesn't want to annoy, she does not want to antagonise and she never exploits the soft hearts around her. What Maisie wants is to make PEOPLE smile and she knows how to do that, she wants to remind everyone around in the most subtle of ways of what a joy life is. When you are around her you feel like you are in good company.

I just had the pleasure of spending 3 whole days with Maisie, without her parents, just me, her 2 cousins (or puppets) my sister and her nan. It happened by accident and was a last minute trip. I always knew she was hard labour but we were in for the most pleasant of surprises. That child knows how to be happy, knows how to laugh and make other PEOPLE laugh in a way that a child of her age should just not know about. Oh and she is hard labour!

So what are the things that make me think she has been here before...

She knows what family is and the fact that she was away with us was the same in her mind as though she was with her immediate family. Not once did she whine or complain of missing home, she knew instinctively she was in safe hands and was happy to be there, you can't buy that.
She is adaptable and can turn her hand to any social situation that she finds herself in, among adults and children alike.
She understands hierarchy.
She is sensitive but only when she needs to be and harsh when its called for.
She knows who is who and takes time to understand what makes those around her tick.
She knows that Green is not her favourite colour, but is partial to red, white and blue.
She knows when to be quiete and can be when she totally understands WHY?.
She knows about respect and places it well.
She knows when laughter is in order and manages to trigger it with almost every word.
She knows when a situation needs to be diffused.
She knows whose hand to hold at any given time.
She loves life whole heartedly and every quip and comment illustrates it in a way that makes her adult companions go... WHAT DID SHE JUST SAY????
She remembers every comment and situation that she has ever been in and uses adult humour in a way that 4 year olds shouldn't be able to.
She remembers things that she shouldn't and forgets things she should.
She is insightful and articulate beyond her years.
She remembers those that have passed and reminds us of them, just at the moment that a special song is playing or on a date that already has them on our mind.

There are endless examples of when Maisie has made us think 'That child has been here before'.

Maisie is a gift to us, but I am positive that many reading this can think of a child that is a gift to them. They are not necessarily bright, funny or full of personality like Maisie, but it does make you wonder sometimes, are these children sent to us as a reminder of the joy that life can bring and to remind us to embrace life as though we were 4. Are they a gift from the PEOPLE that we cared about that want us to know their spirit lives on? Whatever the reason, Maisie is here and don't we know it! I am so grateful that I am a part of her colourful life.

I know I am not alone in wishing we could press the PAUSE button and keep her as she is now forever, I say that to her all the time and she says, I can't be 4 forever, you need to get over it!

Let me hate you

Let me hate you because you fooled me
Let me hate you because you patronised me
Let me hate you for helping me to see a side of myself that I don't like
Let me hate you for thinking you know whats best
Let me hate you because you broke me
Let me hate you because you ruined me
Let me hate you because you left me
Let me hate you because you laughed at me
Let me hate you for thinking that you were doing the right thing by me, when you weren't
Let me hate you because you thought you knew where I was going or where I wanted to be
But let me hate you most of all for not asking me
For guessing or trying to without understanding me
Let me hate you for all these reasons, but don't let me hate you for saying you did it for me, I think you did, but it just didn't feel like it.
Don't let me hate you for trying to hang on to me once you did all of this.
That would be too much.

Talent

I truly believe that everyone has a talent for something. It is usually something they are passionate about and that they are good at. Sometimes it goes without being noticed, here is an example of when it is noticed.

I discovered at the weekend that my nephew (and godson) has a talent for writing. He showed me a story that he has written that will be assessed as part of his GCSE (he is 14) it blew me away. He does not write as though he is 14 and when PEOPLE showed a genuine interest in his writing I seen a side to him that I have never seen. He is passionate about it and although he has always come across as a creative being, the skill with which he writes came as a bit of surprise. Through this piece of work I got to understand more about him (he is a sit in the background kind of kid), the flair with which he writes highlighted to me that this is indeed his talent.

I believe that talent should be nurtured and encouraged and put on display for other PEOPLE to enjoy. So I have asked Cameron to write a guest post for my blog about PEOPLE (this may be a risky strategy). I promised that I will not edit it in the slightest. I have just set eyes on what he wrote and it made me smile ALOT!

I hope it makes you smile too.

The family get together

The family get together can bring a huge mix of emotions and slurred words that trickle from the drunken men and women alike. The sound of UB40 blasts through the floorboards whilst neighbours and infants sleep. Even the people that aren’t actually related to us still feel apart of something bigger. The family get together is, more often than not, a last minute impulse, some look forward to it and others dread it. The get together can take many forms whether that be a ‘sophisticated’ dinner party or a 24 hour binge and the hosts will usually only invite those who they regularly converse and socialize with, but that’s not to say those who don’t get invited are any less part of the family or less loved by us all. The children will stay up later than normal and the adults will drink a whole lot more than usual. The kitchen will be stacked high with so much alcohol that you could probably start your own off licence. The smell of cigarette smoke and the sound of thoughtful conversations drift through the air and the younger ones will happily sit and watch the commotion go on. Some people will arrive drunk and others it’s a slow trip from the vodka bottle to stumbling in to the back of a taxi. People feel compelled to do things that they usually wouldn’t do, they feel the need to spend the day before making sure the house is spotless and usually it’s the more untidy of the pair that hosts. The ones who have no one to talk to will happily dance by them selves until someone will join them, the ones who over do it slightly and end up throwing up on the laminate flooring, the ones who turn the music up full volume with no care for anyone else but the family who wish to have a good time, the ones who even drunk will continue to try to keep a tidy living space, the ones who will leave because their kids have fallen asleep on the sofa, the ones who won’t leave just because their kids have fallen asleep on the sofa, the ones that will leave after a few hours and the ones that are too young to understand half of what’s going on but will continue to smile and hopelessly beg to go home, will all come together as one family. Even though it has it’s ups and downs and some people will leave upset and others bursting with excitement, tomorrow is another day and family will always be there to forgive and forget.

Please leave a comment to let him know that it's not just his crazy aunties bias that led to me sharing this with you.

Let's Pretend

My neice is 5 and says the funniest things, but often the funniest come out when she is playing 'Let's Pretend'. She pretends to be a catwalk model, she pretends to be a teacher, she pretends to be a mummy and she pretends to talk on a fake mobile phone.

The other day she was chatting away in an American accent in the back of my brothers car and he overheard her saying... Hold on a second, just checking my GPS... Underneath a smile my brother asked, what is GPS? She replied, oh don't worry it's something major that you just wouldn't understand.

This got me thinking about how pretending is different to other things that PEOPLE do. It isn't the same as lying, it isn't the same as being fake and neither is it the same as being two faced. Mainly because those things are seen as bad, but pretending isn't usually and of course no one actually knows that you are doing it.

It is something that we do alot as children, but as adults we do it too, sometimes it is to protect ourselves from an awkward conversation and other times it is to protect those that we care about. Pretending isn't usually malicious and I don't think it is something that we can say is wrong in every circumstance either. The following examples are meant to illustrate the point as opposed to stating things that I personally pretend about. They are meant to make you think about the fact that it is ok to pretend sometimes, as usually there is a good reason behind it, it makes life a little easier and the consequences of pretending are rarely negative.

We PRETEND we are OK.
We PRETEND we are not embarrased.
We PRETEND the food was lovely.
We PRETEND we are not scared.
We PRETEND to like work.
We PRETEND that some things don't matter.
We PRETEND to like our in laws.
We PRETEND that that conversation with our friend didn't happen.
We PRETEND to understand things that we don't.
We PRETEND we didn't see someone when we did.
We PRETEND we are not bothered.
We PRETEND to be enjoying ourselves.
We PRETEND to be happy about things when we are not.

I am sure that everyone reading this can think of a time when they pretended like this and I am positive that mostly there was a good reason for it and that no malice was intended. I am also sure that in doing so, some PEOPLE will have questioned your motives, had they known your were pretending.

There are times when it is not ok to pretend as the outcome is not harmony but hurt.

If you PRETEND to love someone when you don't.
If you PRETEND to be a friend when you are not.
If you PRETEND you care when you don't.
If you PRETEND you are someone you are not.

Let's Pretend.....

Ending every sentence as though its a question...

This post is not meant to belittle anyone, just to point out something that makes PEOPLE uncomfortable sometimes. If this is something you have ever done you will probably cringe, if it is something you do now, I hope it makes you think.

I have noticed that when young PEOPLE head of to University they often adopt this manner of speech. PEOPLE who have just been travelling do it too. PEOPLE who think they are smarter than they really are do it, PEOPLE who want to be cool and hip do it, it can come across as patronising and even ridiculous, but mostly it makes me smile. It is usually a temporary impediment, and to me it is the most bizarre thing ever that PEOPLE who do it do not realise that they do it and that they are joining other PEOPLE in doing it, they do not realise how it makes them look and sound. PEOPLE that do this may not be intelligent enough to realise that this post is about them.

If they are PEOPLE I know, it doesn't change how I look at them, what I think about them or how I feel about them. But sometimes it just needs to be pointed out that this is actually a temporary impediment that PEOPLE hear every time you talk. I don't think I have ever done it, I would never get away with it because the PEOPLE around me would pick up on it too quickly and rip the arse out of me for it.



Speak with conviction. Speak with authority, its the only way PEOPLE will listen to you.

Count your blessings

Sometimes, when things happen that make you think the world is a bad place or life is hard, it pays to count your blessings. I am often heard saying, cheer up it could be worse. This is a blog about PEOPLE and sometimes PEOPLE forget that it is a blessing just to be able to walk, talk and breathe freely. My son is not a bad lad, but by some bizarre coincidence, two of his friends were recently sent to prison, nothing serious but it does make you think about the simple blessing of liberty. Thinking of his friends, one of whom I have known since he was a kid made me think about how just being able to sit here and write or talk to a friend on the phone, or decide for myself what to have for dinner, is a blessing. Here is a little gem that I found on the internet.

The following is something to ponder:

If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep ... you are richer than 75% of this world.

If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish someplace ... you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy.

If you woke up this morning with more health than illness ... you are more blessed than the million who will not survive this week.

If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation... you are ahead of 500 million people in the world.

If you can attend a church meeting without fear of harassment, arrest, torture, or death ... you are more blessed than three billion people in the world.

If your parents are still alive and still married ... you are very rare.

If you hold up your head with a smile on your face and are truly thankful ... you are blessed because the majority can, but most do not.

If you can hold someone's hand, hug them or even touch them on the shoulder ... you are blessed because you can offer healing touch.

If you can read this message, you just received a double blessing in that someone was thinking of you, and furthermore, you are more blessed than over two billion people in the world that cannot read at all.

Have a good day, and count your blessings!

Author Unknown

My sister

My sister has a learning disability, she is dyslexic. Her status updates on Facebook always make me smile, she loves her gods and believes in dog. She doesn’t have any trouble in making herself understood although at times it has led to embarrassment. She loves my blog so much that I couldn't leave it any longer to write a post about her. I toyed with the idea of asking her to write this post to illustrate the fact that jumbling up a few words doesn’t really make alot of difference in the grand scheme of things. PEOPLE would have had no trouble understanding her written words, in fact she has the gift of making PEOPLE smile when they read what she writes. I changed my mind mainly because I didn’t want to open myself up to criticism.

Some PEOPLE might think I was using her disability to make her look stupid. Some PEOPLE may think I am making fun of her or trying to make her look daft, foolish or thick. She is none of those things. I adore her, so do you think it matters to me whether she can spell or not?

My sister is a brilliant sister, she would do anything for anyone and is one of the kindest PEOPLE I know. She has as much patience as one person can have and is never busy. She is a bit of legend around here for many reasons. She helps PEOPLE who find themselves in a sticky spot and over the years has opened up her home to troubled teenagers, dysfunctional families and PEOPLE who just had nowhere else to go. So many PEOPLE are very fond of her and PEOPLE always say, I love Rita.

She has never had material wealth and it doesn’t really bother her in the slightest. She is one of lifes givers and throughout her life has consistently given more than she would ever take. She is a good listener and gives the BEST advice no matter what the situation. She is a mum of five, a sister to four, a daughter to two and an auntie to fifteen. She is a friend of too many PEOPLE to count.

When she was younger she cracked her head open and has a massive scar on her head to prove it. I remember vividly the night she came home from hospital having been stitched up. She was on the top bunk and I was on the bottom. She fell out of bed and promptly climbed back in without a sound. The next morning my mum came in to what looked like a massacre, her head had split open again and she had slept as she bled. From that day my parents always said that bump on the head did something to her brain. In a family like ours where faults and flaws are magnified by 1000 and exposed in the most brutal but funny way, this has meant that she has been subjected to her fair share of ridicule. So have we all!

Until last year my sister had never worked and devoted herself to being a mum mainly, but also to being a good friend to everyone round her. The opportunity came up for her to do some voluntary work in Headway, a charity that supports PEOPLE with brain injury. I was privilidged enough to visit the centre where she works and meet some of the PEOPLE that she works with. I came away feeling sad, humble, inspired and a little bit inadequate. But mostly I felt PROUD of my big sister. She is perfectly suited to this line of work and she is making a difference every day.

The funny thing is that as she is learning more about the PEOPLE that she works with, who despite their troubles somehow seem to just know she cares, she has realised that maybe that bump on the head did do something to her brain. She now sees herself as lucky that despite this she has managed to lead a normal life without too much difficulty. She is devoted to helping the PEOPLE she works with and they like us all, are lucky to have her.

Who cares whether she can spell or not?

Presents and Gifts

Easter is upon us and this weekend too many children will eat too much chocolate.

Some PEOPLE will give eggs, some PEOPLE will give Toblerone or a chocolate bar the size of a baking tray. Some PEOPLE will give money, some PEOPLE will give something that someone really wants. How much of it will they really need?

I prefer to give gifts rather than presents. Not all presents are gifts. There is a difference...

In my humble opinion, a present is something that is nicely wrapped and presented even though it isn't necessarily wanted or needed. A gift is something that makes someone happy or shows someone you care, a gift is well thought out but doesn't need to cost alot, a gift makes a difference.

Some presents can be gifts, like; Music, Books, Holidays, Alcohol or Lottery tickets, all of these things can make a difference. The real gifts are often free; a timely text or e mail, your time, your ear, patience, understanding, love, consideration, support and friendship. They feel good to give and good to receive.

Gifts are given to PEOPLE that we care about, just when they need them the most, not only on a special occasions.

So if you ask me if I prefer to give Presents or Gifts, I would say Gifts. If you asked me, what about Presents? I would say, your presence is more important than presents.

I consider the best gifts in my life to be the presence of PEOPLE I care about.

So this easter, give presents if you wish, but give someone a gift too. It makes a difference.