Sunflowers

Sunflowers have a special significance to me. Here is why...

Around 7 years ago I was about to embark on the 3rd year of my degree in a University 50 miles from home. I was making that journey most days and had 2 kids and was running a bar (working mens club) at the same time. I would get up early and do the journey, sit in lecture all day, then head home to work. At the end of the day I would study and most days I was lucky to get into bed at 3am, at exam time I was lucky to see my bed at all. When my fellow students were studying at home in the evening, at the weekend, during holidays, I was having my busiest times at work. My job took up 55 hours a week on average. I am not looking for any medals here, I also spent a fair amount of time partying when I shouldnt! It was a struggle but I chose to be there, I chose to do it.

Anyone that has ever managed a bar will tell you that it is a lifestyle, not a job. They will tell you that once you step behind the bar you are fair game for criticism, every mistake you make is magnified by 100 - so what we ran out of Brandy? If you get robbed (which we did a number of times) it has got to be an inside job. If there is trouble, there is always more that you could of done to stop it and you have to act as a mediator and peacemaker and no one believes you are impartial. Your morals and standards are questioned constantly by the same PEOPLE that expect service with a smile. When that bar is in the centre of a strong cummunity every move you make is scrutinised and criticised. PEOPLE expect you to be 'nice' to them no matter how they treat you. You can be the subject of cruel gossip and rumours and powerless to stop it. Of course it would be wrong to say all PEOPLE are the same, I had plenty of supporters.

By then end of the 2nd year of my degree, I had let these PEOPLE grind me down, I cared about what those PEOPLE thought, I probably shouldnt have. One night after everyone had gone I sat down with my sister and said - this situation is just desperate I cant do it any more. Some PEOPLE hate me, some PEOPLE are saying cruel things about me, some PEOPLE are making my life difficult and I don't understand why, if it wasnt for these PEOPLE I would be ok.

My sister is not a poet or a deep thinker but she said: Listen, you have not come all this way to give up now and you are not going to. There are plenty of PEOPLE that are right behind you - this was correct and I needed to be reminded of that at this precise moment. Whilst the -ve people far outweighed those that supported me, I had made some really good friends, there were good PEOPLE around me. She went on to say, think of it like you are a Sunflower, you are growing at a rapid rate and will bloom only when you reach your goal. These PEOPLE don't want you to grow. They are as significant as tiny flies that are trying to stop you from growing, when they come anywhere near you, just brush them off like they have no significance, because they dont. These PEOPLE do not matter, they have nothing that you need and you should treat them like the parasites that they are. In a years time they won't give you a second thought you will be away from this place - are you really going to let them see you fail?

That was a significant turning point for me and my perspective changed almost instantly. The funny thing was that my sister didn't even remember the conversation until I showed her my graduation speech a few months later. The sunflower theory worked for me. The theme of my graduation party was sunflowers, the PEOPLE that made my life difficult were left sitting in the bar downstairs while my party with a free bar for my supporters was going on upstairs, I have never known an atmosphere like it. This was the first time that I was truly able to let those PEOPLE that tried to drag me down know that I didn't care what they thought anymore. I was never good a drawing but I personally drew a sunflower on each table cloth, the room was ablaze with yellow and white and my dining room is now filled with the gifts that the PEOPLE that were at that party gave me, it is a shrine to sunflowers.

A constant reminder that no matter how much shit PEOPLE want to throw at you, no matter how cruel they are, or how much they want to stop you growing, they are powerless to do so unless you let them.